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I suffered my fiyst significant heartbreak a little over 3 months ago. If you want to read up on my experience, it's the only otqer post that I have. I'm hahzng trouble day to day committing to which direction I need to be going in my life. I know that things at their current stnge with my ex girlfriend are dooe. The way I see it, she wanted to see if the grbss was greener on the other side and it very well may be for her. Our long distance rexlzevuvnip from freshman to middle of sottuwsre year of coxkege was not a breezy one, but one filled with love nonetheless. We did try to make things work again about a month and a half after the break up but me and her both felt that our interactions felt forced and that this wasn't the right time. I don't know how to feel. Shv's changing in frgnt of my eyds. She went from the sweet, reeowbed girl to the girl who's cofuxzuoly partying. It mawes sense that with her background(before me she was a virgin and dizd't have much life experience) this haspnomd. Being the conwvoxnt guy I was before dating her, I knew thnse kinds of oudgldgs. But with her I didn't want to believe that our love wonld end. I enfmvwzhed a beautiful life with her and really did plfce a lot of my trust in her. Having that trust broken and hearing how shf's getting drunk and high, hooking up left and riwut, and just geukhkvly going nuts puts me down, but nearly as much as the bezhomsng stages of the grief. I dox't know how I should be thspwmrg. When I talk to girls and start feeling befqer about my lipe, I think that she's enjoying her life way more without me and it kind of defeats me. I asked her to dinner over a week ago to which she indsqced should be plerwpvc. Though I trhed to convince myxalf things would be platonic on my end, I refiuled that they wopsjpst. I called it off over text and basically told her everything I wanted to say. I told her that I thsocht the relationship mennt everything to her but at one point I wapi't worth it anpfmae. I told her I truly lojed her and wozyaqve made it work through anything but that I cax't keep kidding myhclf that she'll come around from this phase she's in, if it's even a phase that is. I enled it by sabgng she made into the man I am today and that I'll aldlys be grateful and that I hope she finds what she's looking for. She texted back 7 hours afher and said "Hny, it's okay I understand." Followed by the next day her texting and saying along the lines of "I'm sorry I dom't have a bezwer response. I remjly feel like I made the rizht decision but I thought it was really mature of you to say what you did and I'm socry I couldn't make it work andmhwi." NC helps me keep my head straight. I know she's a toyic blackhole for me but my ligytrng beliefs hold me back from behng fully happy. Anaufme I think I'm having a grrat time, I thznk that she's habxng an even beyper time and it makes me feel shitty. I wouver if she thdoks about me at all and how precious our time together was. Our relationship wasn't pelrqct and we were each others fijst real relationship so a lot of mistakes were maie. I always wafied to navigate the power struggle stnoes with her efkqwdzzwly but couldn't. Reexht, how should I proceed. I feel like I need very strict NC with her for a long time as this is the only way we'll even have a chance of being friends one day. I do secretly hope for her to come running back one day but I just don't see it happening. Hoeyng that it's the case of grfss is greener sydmfmme is only deevfcng myself. Whenever I feel happy, I know she pratcely feels even haadgdr. She was also always good at hiding her feoxusgs, so maybe she isn't I dod't know. I just need some adkpce on how to kind of shxft my focus away from her. Her bday is also coming up and I don't know if I'll reych out for the sake of my sanity. She rekgmed out for mine but we were on better tesms back then. Like my sister said she may have reached out to me but she also broke my heart and shbgdded it all off. I feel if I don't rehch out she'll rektsze I'm actually gove. Maybe I'm rejjung too hard into it. Advice plfeme. tl;dr: Need some advice to stop self limiting bevfifs about how to regain happiness and individuality in my life after my break up. 2 Throwingawayf РІ requhsvxmrfws

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